Seek Respect, Not Affirmation on the Job
by Capt. Courtney Lynch
Everyone wants to be liked. We all enjoy it when we feel like those we live with, work with, and spend time with on the weekends appreciate us for who we are. But, in life it’s impossible to have everyone like you all of the time. Sometimes others will dislike you because they are upset in their own lives. In fact, often the more successful you are, there will be more times when you feel others seem to just not like you. You may feel resentment or jealousy or other negative emotions from your peers at work. As a leader you need to be focused on performance, not winning a popularity contest.
At home and with your friends and family you can focus on being the popular one, the funny one, the cool one or the favorite (even though you shouldn’t need to.) But at work you need to seek respect based on your strong performance—don’t waste time seeking personal affirmation from your professional colleagues. As a leader you work hard to influence outcomes and inspire others each day. You need energy to do that. Wasting energy on drama in the office, or trying to please everyone all of the time, or getting caught up in office gossip, will never help you become a stronger performer. Instead, working to meet and exceed performance standards, getting the job done right the first time and taking care of the needs of your team members and employees will pave the way to success.
Save your need for affirmation for life outside of work. When you stop seeking personal approval in professional situations, you’ll become a better leader. Suddenly it’s easier to be decisive when you are making decisions based on performance and output. You are better able to take care of your team in a more fair and just manner when you aren’t trying to win your co-workers over as friends. Plus, it’s easier to have emotional resolve when you are not taking every comment made during the course of your work day personally.
The funny thing is once you start focusing on performing well for your company, instead of trying to convince your boss and coworkers that they should like you, you end up becoming a “go to” person in the office. You become the one that is known for results, others are intrigued by you, and surprisingly, after respecting you, others end up liking you! So, seek respect first, then enjoy it when you are liked, but don’t lose sleep over what you think others may think of you—instead, focus on the job at hand. Save your need for affirmation for life at home. I may be a tough Marine, but I still need my husband’s compliments, my sister’s support and my best friend’s laughter at all of my jokes. It is human nature to want to be loved, but you don’t need to seek to be loved at work to be successful—and in many ways courting your coworkers is recipe for disaster.
[End of article]
Courtney Lynch led units as large as 50 troops and as small as teams of four. She finished her initial service as a spokesperson for the Marine Corps at the Pentagon. Her distinguished performance of her duties earned her two Navy Achievement Medals and the Joint Commendation Medal. Promoted twice while in the Marine Corps, Ms. Lynch left active duty service as a captain. Courtney Lynch and her colleague Angie Morgan are founders of Lead Star, a consulting firm that teaches women leaders the proven leadership principles taught to all Marine officers. Both recently published "Leading From the Front: No-Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women." See their Sonshi.com interview.
Everyone wants to be liked. We all enjoy it when we feel like those we live with, work with, and spend time with on the weekends appreciate us for who we are. But, in life it’s impossible to have everyone like you all of the time. Sometimes others will dislike you because they are upset in their own lives. In fact, often the more successful you are, there will be more times when you feel others seem to just not like you. You may feel resentment or jealousy or other negative emotions from your peers at work. As a leader you need to be focused on performance, not winning a popularity contest.
At home and with your friends and family you can focus on being the popular one, the funny one, the cool one or the favorite (even though you shouldn’t need to.) But at work you need to seek respect based on your strong performance—don’t waste time seeking personal affirmation from your professional colleagues. As a leader you work hard to influence outcomes and inspire others each day. You need energy to do that. Wasting energy on drama in the office, or trying to please everyone all of the time, or getting caught up in office gossip, will never help you become a stronger performer. Instead, working to meet and exceed performance standards, getting the job done right the first time and taking care of the needs of your team members and employees will pave the way to success.
Save your need for affirmation for life outside of work. When you stop seeking personal approval in professional situations, you’ll become a better leader. Suddenly it’s easier to be decisive when you are making decisions based on performance and output. You are better able to take care of your team in a more fair and just manner when you aren’t trying to win your co-workers over as friends. Plus, it’s easier to have emotional resolve when you are not taking every comment made during the course of your work day personally.
The funny thing is once you start focusing on performing well for your company, instead of trying to convince your boss and coworkers that they should like you, you end up becoming a “go to” person in the office. You become the one that is known for results, others are intrigued by you, and surprisingly, after respecting you, others end up liking you! So, seek respect first, then enjoy it when you are liked, but don’t lose sleep over what you think others may think of you—instead, focus on the job at hand. Save your need for affirmation for life at home. I may be a tough Marine, but I still need my husband’s compliments, my sister’s support and my best friend’s laughter at all of my jokes. It is human nature to want to be loved, but you don’t need to seek to be loved at work to be successful—and in many ways courting your coworkers is recipe for disaster.
[End of article]
Courtney Lynch led units as large as 50 troops and as small as teams of four. She finished her initial service as a spokesperson for the Marine Corps at the Pentagon. Her distinguished performance of her duties earned her two Navy Achievement Medals and the Joint Commendation Medal. Promoted twice while in the Marine Corps, Ms. Lynch left active duty service as a captain. Courtney Lynch and her colleague Angie Morgan are founders of Lead Star, a consulting firm that teaches women leaders the proven leadership principles taught to all Marine officers. Both recently published "Leading From the Front: No-Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women." See their Sonshi.com interview.